only talk to me when you're lucid.

2007-11-30

Oh. Gosh.

I am an OLD lady. i am going to be a shrivelled up, wrinkled old prune before you can even blink both eyes and do a handstand with an elephant on your feet.

I never feel old/depressed/emo/moody/sad/useless/fat/ugly/stupid until I read people's blogs you know. and then WHAM. I come out feeling all sad and useless. Apparently this is how people feel when they have been in the presence of elves. And then when the elves leave, because their so beautiful and shining and bright, when they leave,everything else (yourself included) seems old and drab and boring. And by elves, I mean the tall, lovely, perfect, song-singing ones from fantasy books. Not from enid blyton or 'the elves and the shoemaker'.

Either way, I am usually good at refraining from reading those horrible energy-sucking, click-from-page-to-page addiction things known as blogs. But today, in desperation of trying to find an excuse to not study again, I accidentally started. It's worse than wikipedia and its myriad links okay! At least wiki leaves me feeling enriched with all my new-found knowledge.

Recently, it's not been beautiful and smart people who have been getting me down (I managed to get over that already. clap for me!), but instead just generally people who are YOUNG. YOUNGER. and I think about what I could have done, or have achieved or alot of other stuff before I grew too old to be doing 'young' stuff and I feel like it's a big waste. My life is always full of could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves. Always because I'm too LAZY.

I don't like thinking about myself. It gets me down.