and we hurt the ones we love.

2007-05-21

i hate it when i get all emo, and i can't find a way to express myself. it becomes excessively annoying and then i try to talk it out anyway and things come out all weird.

up till now, i can't tell if it's a sense of purposelessness that keeps me awake at night and makes me sigh in frustration even when i look at the piles of copying that i have to do from work. i HAVE things to do. it's not a purposelessness from inactivity, that is for sure.

when i feel down, and when i think i need something, someone, to make me feel better, there is this voice prompting me, 'I will provide' it says. and then the most frustrating thing is feeling a calm, but then having the same anxious thoughts, the same restlessness resurface. haunting me, telling me that, 'no, not really. you're just sad and worthless.'. sometimes, i don't have the energy or the will to think about the calm anymore.

but i am blessed. and when i keep busy, these thoughts don't have time to accumulate in my mind and i can feel content. i have my new camera. i will Take Pictures.