where did everyone go? or is it me?

2005-09-23

i think it says alot about me that i have noone to turn to when i'm feeling particularly depressed. like now. like today.

i used to have at least 3 persons to call when i was down a while back. then something changed. i don't even know what it is. it has to be something about me, because i don't think they've changed. while i'm drifting from others, i'm not getting closer to anyone else. close enough at least. and it's really disturbing me. it's something i've been thinking about for the past six months or so.

i think a whole new school has a good effect on me, in that i can make new friends and all. but i suddenly miss the old sc alot tonight. where at least, i had shuying everyday. that was something i got used to and i liked. does shuying even remember me now? it's hard to say. and then there was always martina. martina! do you still remember me? i think you do. but i can never go, 'see you tomorrow!' anymore. or borrow something from you and know i can return the next day. or go home with you anymore. it's just not the same. as much as i don't want it to change. it kinda has. but i hope it's not too much and you still love me. :) i'm glad for something that a new school has brought me though. moniza and i kinda renewed our friendship through ny. yay! :) and i guess we're still good. only now you're in ac. and i can't see you tomorrow either. sigh. and what happened to vanessa? it's depressing that even though we're in the same school, i can go for a whole week only saying 'hi' to her. i miss the first three months when we could laugh together EVERYDAY. there's not so much reason for me to laugh anymore.

tonight's extreme depression has probably something to do with that fact that i have NO idea how to do chemistry. i'm not kidding. i just tried a paper and i can't even do the simplest of questions. how's that for alarming. because my chemistry paper is IN TEN DAYS. it's not alot of time to catch up on the topics you've been studying for the PAST 9 MONTHS, along with studying for my other subjects.

and then there's the little matter of you. (you know, the person i like but who has absolutely no idea.)

sigh, i wish the earth would open up and swallow me now.